I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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