Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
