I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
