the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
