i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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