Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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