If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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