Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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