So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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