Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
