you guys were way drunker than both of me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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