when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
