Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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