you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize