We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
