Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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