Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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