@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
