her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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