I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
