Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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