I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
