I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
