I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
