whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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