So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
