I just threw up on my dentist
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
