Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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