So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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