Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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