Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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