32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
