I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
