And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
