Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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