It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
