I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend