yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants