So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.