i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE