I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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