I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
