i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
