i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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