Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.