Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Text me some of your sweat
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
