i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
