My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
