I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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