I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
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Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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