Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So vagazzling was a success
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
