That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
