I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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