RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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