I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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