My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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