My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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