after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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