last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
