My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
