I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
