pedialite and red bull = repair kit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
