Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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