Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
