I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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