My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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