Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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