i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
